peace blooms, slowly and always

today i received a small package, and though the token inside was offered without verbal or written explanation, it brought me a sense of solace. this time has been marked by larger shifts than i am accustomed to and has left me longing for something to hold onto. for those who have offered such small tokens - just to have something to hold to -  i am very grateful.

i found this poem recently, or rather i should say, this poem found me recently, and its sentiment has not been lost. 

When great trees fall,

rocks on distant hills shudder,

lions hunker down

in tall grasses,

and even elephants

lumber after safety.

When great trees fall

in forests,

small things recoil into silence,

their senses

eroded beyond fear.

When great souls die,

the air around us becomes

light, rare, sterile.

We breathe briefly.

our eyes briefly,

see with

hurtful clarity.

Our memory, suddenly sharpened,

examines,

gnaws on kind words

unsaid,

promised walks 

never taken.

Great souls die and 

our reality, bound to

them, takes leave of us.

Our souls,

dependent upon their

nurture,

now shrink, wizened.

Our minds, formed

and informed by their 

radiance,

fall away.

We are not so much maddened

as reduced to the unutterable ignorance

of dark, cold

caves.

And when great souls die,

after a period peace blooms,

slowly and always

irregularly. Spaces fill

with a kind of 

soothing electric vibration.

Our senses, restored, never

to be the same, whisper to us,

They existed. They existed,

We can be. Be and be

better. For they existed.

- maya angelou, CELEBRATIONS

 

"beautiful ordinary"

gerhard richter was said to paint images without glory, to render the beautiful ordinary. i have thought often about the possibility of "rendering the beautiful ordinary," and have wondered if such a feat was possible. i have been honored to be in the company of many individuals that i would consider truly beautiful, and often, it has been in their company that i have doubted the possibility of rendering a person so stunning as simply "ordinary". 

but then, it has also occurred to me, that part of why i have found these people, these individuals that i admire, so stunning is not because of what is extraordinary about them (of which the number is countless), but is because of their genuine humanity. it seems that few people are willing to genuinely embrace their humanity along with the humanity of others. honoring that aspect of ourselves i feel requires intense humility and compassion.  these individuals that i have had the honor to know, have embraced themselves honestly, and embraced those around them with a similar compassion. how beautiful it is to recognize the humanity in ourselves and in others, and to do so with the intention of loving kindness!

in this regard then, is "beauty" simply synonymous with acknowledging that which is "ordinary?" did richter have it backwards, and is understanding how "ordinary" each of us is inseparable from finding that which is also beautiful in us? 

i remember sitting one evening in the company of one of these beautiful people, and finding myself awestruck by his character; how impressed i was by the humanity of this individual! i remember him repeating again and again that there was nothing special about him, and that he was simply "ordinary". i was dumbfounded, and struggled to find what, if anything, was ordinary about him. what i have realized since that time, is that what i loved about him was his ordinary humanity, and it was because of  that humanity that everything else was rendered beautiful.  

i have spent much time looking at the reflections cast by one of richter's grey paintings currently displayed at the st. louis art museum. it seems to me that the muted reflections invoke one to look beyond the superficial flaws and colors of oneself, and to simply look at ourselves in conjunction with the reflections of the light being cast upon the glass. in effect, we are invited to look beyond the superficial and observe an aspect of our simple, ordinary, humanity. perhaps, only when we find, and embrace that which is ordinary and human in ourselves and others, can we begin to see that which is also beautiful. and so perhaps, perhaps, richter was not trying to render the "beautiful" as "ordinary," but rather, he was trying render the "beautiful ordinary."

fantastic hat

this morning as i was sitting in my room on the floor, i took notice of my running shoes tossed in front of my dresser. when i saw them, i felt like i was looking at an artifact left behind by someone dear to my heart. seeing them brought the same sense of comfort one gets when something reminds them of an old friend, yet i was also somewhat bothered. i've been feeling as of late that perhaps i've been ignoring certain aspects of my character, and seeing those shoes reminded me of yet another love i've been neglecting. i've been thinking about why i've let slip some things i used to hold dearly, though mostly such thought as left me feeling as if i was confined to my circumstances, boxed in without my consent. in response to such confinement, my rebellious tendencies have been emerging. not generally being one to lose sight of all practicality (though i think practicality is somewhat overrated, and in some instances completely worthless), i've refrained (thus far) from doing anything particularly drastic. i have, however, recently become the proud owner of yet another truly fantastic hat. i do not believe that we can be at peace with ourselves when we ignore our true selves, our higher selves, and thus, my personal declaration begins, with one truly fantastic hat.

as an aside, another fantastic endeavor includes reading. oodles of reading. i just finished Life of Pi, and have since delved into 1984. i have not decided my feelings about Life of Pi just yet, but the adventure was thought provoking. below is an excerpt that i happened to really like:

"if you stumble at mere believability, what are you living for? isn't love hard to believe?"
"mr. patel--"
"don't bully me with your politeness! love is hard to believe, ask any lover. life is hard to believe, ask any scientist. God is hard to believe, ask any believer. what is your problem with hard to believe?"
"we're just being reasonable."
"so am i ! i applied reason at every moment. reason is excellent for getting food, clothing and shelter. reason is the very best tool kit. nothing beats reason for keeping away from tigers. but be excessively reasonable and you risk throwing out the universe with the bathwater."

-yann martel, Life of Pi